Folks:
This Saturday, motivational-speaker Matt Foley's van won't be the only thing down by the river. The Independent will descend from its perch atop the Hill of Squirrels to join our good friends Grist House Brewing Company and Wigle Whiskey for a party at Millville's Riverfront Park from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. The event is billed as a "Corn Hole Finals," but, don't let that pretense distract you from the true purpose of the afternoon: an outdoor, end-of-summer celebration of beer drinking, punch imbibing, live-band listening, and street food gorging. In other words, let us offer you the perfect way to celebrate your Labor Day weekend --. by reaping the benefits of our labor.
Admission is $20 and tickets can be purchased in advance here. Tickets not only gain you admission to an afternoon of live music and lawn games, they also come with your first two drinks (a cocktail and a beer respectively).
Now, while some of you will doubtlessly spend your hard-earned money with nothing more than my mere suggestion that you do so, others may be more skeptical. Allow me to address your questions with an FAQ:
I like fun and sunshine, but why should I pay $20 for it?
My friend, my friend -- we're bringing you far more than fun and sunshine; we're bringing you a scene ... man (dig?). We've got food trucks, we've got live bands, we've got a pavilion, and we rented a freaking park by the river and obtained the necessary permits from the powers that be at the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board to provide you alcohol in said park by the river. Speaking of providing you alcohol, we're also giving you your first beer and your first glass of punch with your admission.
Fair point, but I'd feel bad leaving my dog at home while I go enjoy the aforementioned fun and sunshine. Can I bring my pooch?
Yes. You can bring your pooch. Or your kitty, if you're into kitty leashes. Or your parakeet (although, be forewarned that parakeets and kitties don't coexist particularly well, at least from a parakeet's perspective).
I like street food! What food trucks will be there?
Our buddies from Berlin Street Foods (mmmm....Bratwurst), the Steer and Wheel (mmmm...Burgers), and Leona's (mmmm....Ice Cream Sandwiches).
Will I be judged or mocked if I get a brat, a burger, AND an Ice Cream Sandwich?
No. In fact you'll be saluted as a hero and your service will be commemorated by future generations. When historians write of that day, they'll begin with your efforts. When revisionist historians re-write the history of that day, they'll still begin with your efforts, but will likely cast us as greedy profiteers.
What type of beer will there be?
Grist House is bringing warm-weathered favorites with their light-and-hoppy Horizon Shine and their easy-drinking Kolsch. Your know, river-party beers, n'at.
What type of cocktails will there be?
The Independent is serving a highly-drinkable and highly addictive punch, using Wigle-produced spirits, tea, citrus, and a number of other secret and proprietary ingredients.*
Hey man, I really like corn hole, but I missed the semifinals at Grist and Wigle. Can I still play?
This isn't Russia, Danny. (Is this Russia, Danny?) Of course! We're bringing corn hole and other drinking-friendly lawn games for the masses (not just the competitors).
OK, you've sold me. I really want to attend, but I distrust the internet and would prefer not to purchase tickets online. Can I pay for them somewhere in person?
Yes! We're selling them in all three of our tap rooms/pour houses at Grist House, Wigle, and the Independent. And, yes, we accept unmarked, non-consecutive bills, and, no, we don't ask questions. We'll also sell tickets at the door, but we will be CASH ONLY at the event.
One last thing: I'm probably going to consume more than two drinks, will you sell me extra drinks so long as I'm not visibly intoxicated?
Yes. You can purchase additional punch and beer after your complimentary beverages. Just please keep in mind that due to our location, we are CASH ONLY for the event. We apologize in advance for any inconvenience.
Wait, wait, seriously, one more thing: what should I wear?
I mean, look: you're not an animal and it's still pre-Labor Day, so wear whites, of course. This isn't 'Nam; there are rules here.
See you IN A VAN, DOWN BY THE RIVER.
Pete K.
* We'll level with you: it's mostly crack.
